2021 Countdown in 3..2..1...
Warning: this is not a post I normally do. This will not be going over all of my happy memories of the year. Let's be honest, this year sucked, and instead of saying 'it will be alright' or 'it will get better soon,' I wanted to talk about how my 2020 really went and how I hope it'll change in 2021.
2020 started amazing. I rang in the New Year with two of my best friends at our favorite club in D.C. I was headed back to France with 7 trips paid for and planned to go on. I was offered a full-time job when I was originally supposed to return from France in May. This year was supposed to be the start of my career. Although I could get a few trips in around France, and my big February trip to Prague, Warsaw, and St. Petersburg in, it all began to go downhill from there-on out.
As I landed in Prague, I was greeted with a pamphlet on what to do with covid-19, as it was officially no longer only in China or Italy. I took the precautions but did not think it would turn into what it did. I returned from St. Petersburg, and within two weeks, I was asked by my host parents not to go to Paris anymore because cases were rising in France, and specifically in the cities. Within one more week, Trump closed the borders to the United States. All of my American friends were beginning to go home. I contemplated but felt like I could still stay in France. Three days later, Macron (the French President) announced the closing of the EU borders for the following day. I decided to fly home. My host parents and parents were opposed to it at first, but we tripled in cases within two weeks, and they all agreed I did the right thing to come home. My France adventure had come to an end, but that was just the beginning.
When I came home, I came home to being unemployed. I lost any opportunity I had for a full-time job due to covid-19. Restaurants weren't hiring, and I didn't feel safe nannying in a household since we were in full shutdown mode. I struggled to keep myself entertained. My days mainly consisted of working out and watching Netflix. Being an extrovert, I struggled most during this as I couldn't see my friends and couldn't go out and about. I also didn't have my own car, and so I was stuck at home almost all day, every day. I went from being completely independent to feeling like I was back in high school, having to tell my parents where I was going and planning to use the car so that my mom and I could correlate schedules.
It wasn't until May, when things started settling down again, that I took a spontaneous weekend trip to North Carolina with two of my best friends. This started looking up after that, as I got my serving job back at the restaurant I spent my summers working at in college. I was able to start hanging out with a small group of friends again in outdoor settings, or getting approval from my parents for them to come over to the house and vice versa. I thought that it would maybe start to upward from here.
Now we're about to ring in 2021, and I feel like I have struggled to stay afloat in 2020. Yes, so many wonderful memories occurred, but it was still a horrible year in global events and terms of my self-care. I struggled to stay positive all year long with how much negative news I would see. I struggled to enjoy time with people because I couldn't or because my friends all live two hours away, and we all have different schedules. I struggled to keep my physical health up; I came home from France the thinnest and healthiest I've ever been, and really have struggled to maintain it with having a non-consistent work schedule and very little time to cook. It's also hard living with three other people in a house and adjusting to their diets. I've gotten to the point where I buy frozen meals or eat out.
My mental health struggled even more than my physical. It's hard going from doing whatever I want to have to be cautious. When working in customer service, it's hard to keep anxiety down, being that you could come in contact with covid at any point. Although I have no risk to covid, I live with three very high at-risk family members, so I have to be even more cautious than normal. I struggled with staying happy and well because the things I normally do weren't possible to do. I'm constantly exhausted, feeling lazy, alone, and just not myself regardless of what you may see when I'm with my friends or what I post on social media. I'm not saying I'm depressed, but I definitely am not as genuinely happy as I normally am, and I'm sure a few people have struggled with that this year. It's okay to feel this way, especially during the year we've all had.
It's not the end of the world, just the end of the year, and I am not having high hopes for 2021, but I at least want to share my resolutions and hopes for the New Year. For starters, I will be focusing on self-care, not just health and skincare routines, but on my own well being. I will try to start journaling for about 5 mins at the end of each day, going over my physical health and anything I want to get off my chest from the day. I will also be working towards my goals of becoming full-time somewhere and working towards moving out by the end of 2021 and living on my own again. Most of all, I miss my independence, and I think once I pick myself back up, everything will fall into place.
I am not saying that 2020 was a bad year, but it wasn't my best year. Instead of talking about how amazing it was, I wanted to be honest in this post, as I feel like a lot of people out there struggled this year, regardless if they want to admit it to others or not. As much as I wish I could say 2021 will be an amazing year, I can't make that prediction, not for the world and not for myself. All I know is that I will make some amazing memories with my family and friends in the process of furthering myself.
Lastly, I just want to say thank you to my life long friends and my new friends for making what has been a difficult year (to say the least) all the more worth it from being there for me, as well as keeping me positive and giving a bit of a 'normal' life to say the least when we were together. You all are the reason for the amazing memories I have in 2020.
